First time buyer? Not sure how to get on the ladder? Pockets full of gold weighing you down and alienating friends? We've got the answer! Buy a freaking castle.
Enough dancing to the tune of oh-god-I'm-never-going-to-own-my-home, just hurry up and put a deposit down on Wilton Castle, a grade I listed fortress that comes with its own manor house, moat, watchtower, and dungeon.
The frankly ridiculous property, a mile outside Ross-on-Wye, is on the market for £1.5m.
Originally built to guard a river crossing on the English/Welsh border in an attempt to prevent the Welsh from stealing land and animals, Wilton's motte-and-bailey castle was gradually remodelled into a stone walled fortress complete with moat which, for 300 years, sheltered a garrison of soldiers.
In 1731, Guys Hospital of London bought the manor house (build from the castle walls) and worked the land as a farm. Since 1961 it has been under private ownership.
Strictly speaking it's a ruin. Buy it, and you'll be living inside a five-bedroom manor house within the 12th century castle walls.
Wilton Castle is on the market with Jackton-Stops & Staff | wiltoncastle.eclipse.co.uk